Let’s Go Swimming!

There are few things Mrs. Grundy enjoys more than an umbrella drink and siesta near a swimming pool. So, she packed her beach chair and cooler and set forth to enjoy a relaxing morning with other patriotic tourists at the newly renovated Lincoln Memorial reflecting pool. 

She began the day with great enthusiasm, arriving before the crowds and settling near the Memorial steps. Honest Abe presiding behind her.   

The trouble began when a veritable army of men wearing fluorescent vests arrived, carrying buckets, hoses and nets. They told Mrs. Grundy she must relocate her chair.

Well, she was quite comfortable where she was, although the pool was neither as blue nor as sparkling as initially advertised. In fact, Mrs. Grundy tried to offer her sage advice to the clean-up crew. She had not raised chickens for 300 years without learning something about filtration, which, she explained to the men, was clearly the problem. 

She knelt down, and lightly ran her fingers through the mossy water to demonstrate her point. That was when two men, wearing camouflage uniforms as if they were still embedded in the desert sands of Iraq, lifted Mrs. Grundy by the elbows and carried her away, her feet dangling above ground, for questioning.  

Meanwhile, another man searched her Grundy Farm tote bag, looking for a box cutter or chemical substance as evidence that she intended to do mischief. 

Mrs. Grundy demanded to be arrested, on the spot. She would tell all and sundry about this gross violation of her Fourth Amendment constitutional rights. Her singular courage and moral clarity clearly intimidated the authorities. The uniformed men quickly escorted her back to her chair, politely reminding her to use sunscreen.

Mrs. Grundy will not press charges, as she thinks it was a virtuous conclusion to a preposterous situation. Indeed.