WHAT MRS. GRUNDY THINKS
Her Keen Observations
Let’s Go Swimming!
There are few things Mrs. Grundy enjoys more than an umbrella drink and siesta near a swimming pool. So, she packed her beach chair and cooler and set forth to enjoy a relaxing morning with other patriotic tourists at the newly renovated Lincoln Memorial reflecting pool.
She began the day with great enthusiasm, arriving before the crowds and settling near the Memorial steps. Honest Abe presiding behind her.
The trouble began when an army of men wearing fluorescent vests arrived, carrying various buckets, hoses and nets. They told Mrs. Grundy she must relocate her chair. Well, she was quite comfortable where she was, although the pool was neither as blue nor as sparkling as initially advertised.
Sorry, Moses, No Can Do
In preparation for a foreign trip, Mrs. Grundy filled her Grundy Farm tote bag and went to her favorite Apple store. Normally, she would have made an appointment at the Genius Bar, but apparently a genius deficit has occurred and the Bar is now closed.
When an Apple Specialist offered assistance, Mrs. Grundy emptied a nest of cords onto the counter. She asked which cords she would need while travelling overseas.
When the Specialist tried to step away, Mrs. Grundy wondered aloud if the Apple Executive, Mr. Tim Cook, had faced a similar quandary before his recent trip to China with the Presidential Mullet.
Oh! How Right She was!
Oh! How right Mrs. Grundy was to declare wholesale denunciation of kings as excessive (see Why “No Kings?”). Some might even say her Keen Observation was prophetic.
For didn’t King Charles III and the Queen Camilla visit these former colonies and, in both manner and style, sweep the erstwhile No Kings revolutionaries off their feet?
Why “No Kings?”
When first she heard of the No Kings protests, Mrs. Grundy appreciated the catchy slogan. Yet, she was aghast Moderns did not know this issue was settled in the 18th Century Revolutionary War.
She feared a misbegotten American uprising against King Charles III who, for pity sakes, has been on the throne for all of ten minutes. Mrs. Grundy now understands these are protests against the current Presidential Mullet, not the former King George III.
Yet, she thinks how cheeky Americans are, even today, criticizing a monarchy they summarily rejected 250 years ago.
She Can Hear You
When seeing a movie in a public theater, few things irritate Mrs. Grundy more than Moderns who continue to talk after the movie has begun. She will turn and with a clear voice remind them, “We are not in your living room.”
However, the once-distinct lines between private and public space have blurred. Moderns often treat public spaces as their living room, with no regard for other occupants. And so, Mrs. Grundy must demonstrate the nuances of virtue to all and sundry.
Cover your Derriere
Mrs. Grundy is a keen observer of fashion. Her sense of style goes back centuries.
As such, she observes the continued popularity of 18th century gentlemen’s hosiery, what Moderns call “leggings,” with caution.
She understands these leggings are affordable and comfortable. Yet, without appropriate coverage, they expose the explicit shape of one’s derriere and, accordingly, too much information; “TMI,” as Generation XYZ might say.
Travelers Should Wear Pants
Mrs. Grundy thinks Moderns should heed even the thinnest of voices calling for decorum in any situation. To wit: airplane travel.
A government official’s suggestion that Moderns might behave better if they dressed up when traveling on an airplane was met with guffaws. Mrs. Grundy did not laugh . . .
. . . Others took the suggestion as transgressing on Moderns’ seemingly sacred right to dress comfortably in all situations.