I am Paying for this Microphone

After her impressive performance on local television (see The Crisis of the Costly Burrito), Mrs. Grundy’s media celebrity continues to grow. Thusly, when the C-SPAN program Washington Journal hosted a scholar to discuss modern morals, Mrs. Grundy felt obliged to call in and offer a Keen Observation. 

It did not, however, begin smoothly.  Even though Mrs. Grundy frequently calls (on the Independent line) and is a reliable C-SPAN donor, the call-screener did not recognize her name. She politely clarified that she was, indeed, the Mrs. Grundy: Mythical Moralist, Singular Authority and, need she add, a generous $20 per month C-SPAN donor? 

Even after this clarification, Mrs. Grundy spent twenty minutes on hold. But when her turn at the microphone came, she executed a virtual mic drop.   

She stated, without doubt, that Moderns bob about like Styrofoam toys because they lack the ballast of virtue. Mrs. Grundy, always ready to enlighten and edify, began her inspiring speech on the arduous, yet joyful, quest for virtuous life. Never lose hope, she told the awestruck audience – for life, like virtue, is a work in progress. 

Apparently, the philistine program host did not agree. He interrupted and asked, in a rather sharp tone, “Does the caller have a question?” Well, that just curdled the cream in Mrs. Grundy’s coffee. She had endured an oblivious call-screener and an extremely long time on hold. Now, this cheeky host was interrupting her remarks. 

But he must know, as Mrs. Grundy knew, that C-SPAN’s donors supported this very show. And so, for a little fun, she said, “Mr. Green, I am paying for this microphone.” The host was not amused. He snapped, “Oh! Please! Not another trite reference to Reagan and that 1980 primary debate!” Then, he disconnected her line.

Mrs. Grundy is undeterred. She immediately called back, and, as she writes this, remains on hold. Indeed.