Beware the Red (Diesel) Menace

Mrs. Grundy has grave concerns about importing COMMUNIST fuel

Election Day cannot come soon enough for Mrs. Grundy. She has had her fill of Mayor Ashfield’s promises to end the affordability crisis for all and sundry.  

Mrs. Grundy makes a compelling and clear case to the editorial board

Accordingly, she was most gratified when, because of her most popular Keen Observations column, the Five-County Dispatch editorial board invited her to join their discussions about candidate endorsements. As Mayor Ashfield is running unopposed for reelection, the board was inclined to endorse him without debate. Especially as he promises to Make America Affordable Again.

Mrs. Grundy could not abide. She reminded the board that the Mayor’s entire economic authority consists of collecting parking fees. He does not have power to make Five-County affordable, let alone the entire country.

And, before bestowing the honor of the paper’s endorsement, shouldn’t the board consider the Mayor’s support for the Presidential Mullet’s plan to import diesel from COMMUNIST Russia?

She told them that, yes, Farmer Grundy initially welcomed the promise of a new, steady supply of red dyed diesel for the trucks and tractors on Grundy Farm. That was until he learned the diesel would be red only because it was supplied by COMMUNISTS. 

Mrs. Grundy could not fathom the Mayor or the editors’ support for this policy. Why, it was akin to treason! Communist gas in their Ford F-150’s? Putin’s fuel in their CAT skid-steers?

They might as well put Stalin on the dollar bill if they are going to import the fuel of tyrants and tsars. And how does this comport with the Presidential Mullet’s alarming warnings about COMMUNIST threats inside America? Isn’t this just opening the floodgates for Russian infiltration?

The editorial board listened patiently to Mrs. Grundy, but voted to endorse Ashfield, anyway. They suspected she could not be impartial after her Constitutional Crisis and Baking Contest skirmishes with the Mayor.  

Of course Mrs. Grundy is not impartial! But that does not make her concerns any less valid. Indeed.